What I Think About Having Accomplished Nothing At 22

I had a birthday this week.

I love birthdays, my birthday and other people's birthdays. I love being a Princess on my birthday and feeling like I get my way, and ignoring what other people want to do, and not taking anyone else's feelings into consideration. As someone who's constantly worrying about making sure all my friends are happy, Birthdays are like Christmas.

This year was rather low key.  I said goodbye to a friend who moved to Madrid, a little sad. Ate brunch with some wonderful people, never actually made it to the gym, and mostly sat around attempting to imitate an agoraphobic.

I have no problem being an agoraphobic.

I enjoy pretending to be agoraphobic.

Especially this birthday.

I have very strong feelings about my birthday this year.

Before I start to spew self pitty, don't get me wrong. I had a GREAT birthday. I spent a lot of really wonderful time with friends who made me feel special on my special day, received cards and packages from my family, ate good food all weekend, and only had one hang over. It was nice, and relaxing, and I never once felt sad, or lonely, or homesick.

But I do feel old.

Now, I know twenty two is not old (this blog will some day be referred to when people need to find out my true age. Biographers will cross reference it with the claims I will make later in life). But twenty two is the begining of that climb towards age. Twenty-one was okay because it was all about being legally allowed to drink and party and go to bars, and be twenty-one and blah blah blah all sorts of stuff i did at nineteen and twenty anyway.

Twenty-two though, that's diffrent. I feel different. I feel like I should have accomplished something by now. Be somewhere in my life.

Let's juxtapose where 16 year old Leanderthal thought she would be at twenty two, to where I actually am.

I thought I would be finishing my last year of University : In reality I am finished with about two years of community college

I thought right now I'd be applying for grad school : I just finished applying for transfer schools.

I knew I would be living in a cute apartment I decorated myself with my quirky sitcom roommates : I'm actually living in someone's basement.

I thought I would been traveling the world studying archaeology: I'm currently traveling the world as a live in nanny.

I figured I would be interning at a museum: I can't really afford to go to museums unless they're free...

I thought I would have writen and been trying to publish my novel : I'm not really sure if my family even actually reads my blog.

I thought I would have sold my car and bought something pretty and new(to me) : But right now I'm excited both brakes are working on my bike again.

I thought I would be fencing in the 2012 Olympics : Can we take a second to recognize how awesome 16 year old me was? 


I knew where ever I was I would be living somewhere fantastic: I am living in an exciting, amazing, freezing, and wonderful city.

At least one thing is going the way I wanted it to. As old as I feel, and as far away as I feel from the things I thought I would have accomplished by now, I think that I'm doing okay. Even though I'm questioning my future more than I ever did when I was young, and struggling more to find myself, and having a harder time figuring out what I'm doing with my life; I don't feel like I'm behind or wasting time. I've been struggling with comments people have made that make me feel ashamed or embarrassed that I have not finished University in the four years that directly followed my graduating high school. But I'm learning, slowly and sluggishly, that my path is just that-- my own. I don't need anyone else to validate it. I don't need to measure my life by your timeline. You can have no doubt that I will make the things I want in life happen (like getting a college degree, and getting my family to read my blog). Even if they happen a little later than I had planed, well maybe that's for the better anyway, and maybe there's a reason for it.


So to sum it up, this is what I think about not having accomplished anything at twenty-two. Screw it, and everyone who thinks there's a problem with that. And screw 16 year old me, I'm way cooler now.

xoxo

Leanderathal.